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From: clays@panix.com (Clay Shirky)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Bootlicking Canadians?
Date: 8 Sep 1994 23:36:33 -0400

Forwarded to my esteemed colleagues w/o comment:

CANADIAN GOVERNMENT STANDARDS ON "GROUP EJACULATION" AND "BOOTLICKING"

        -from _HOUR_, Apr.14/94 
        as reprinted in _The Newsletter on Civil Liberties_ August 22/94

In November, _Secret City_ revealed that the Canadian government has standards on ejaculation. The government had taken a stand on "excessive ejaculation."

_Secret City_ operative Harvey Blackman wrote a series of queries asking the government to explain its policies regarding what ideas are illegal to import into Canada. By law, the government had to respond.

_Secret City_ has discovered that not only does the Canadian government police images or sentences depicting "excessive ejaculation", it also has standards for "group ejaculation" and "bootlicking."

The genuine memo for "group ejaculation" appears below. It explains that simultaneous ejaculation by two or more people on one person is an illegal idea to import into Canada.

BOOTLICKING CANADIAN-SYLE

The Canadian government also has a strict policy regarding "bootlicking." You are not allowed to import ideas or pictures into Canada which depict "bootlicking in a sexual context." According to Canada Customs Notice N-198, depictions of "submissive acts such as the licking of another person's boot in a sexual context" are not allowed into the country.

To help those who may be participating in illegal bootlicking or are worried they may import a sentence into the country which contains an illegal bootlicking description, _Secret City_ has provided both a legal and an illegal bootlicking sentence.

1. Illegal: Reform Party leader Preston Manning lovingly licked Jean Chretien's boots during question period.
2. Bootlicking sentence which meets Canadian government standards: As he tortured him the dictator forced the prisoner to lick his boots.

||*||  Revenue Canada                           Revenu Canada
       Customs, Excise and Taxation             Accise, Douanes, et Impot
       Ottawa, Canada
       K1A 0LE
                                                        March 17, 1994.

Mr. Harvey Blackman
<snip address>

Dear Mr. Blackman:

Thank you for you enquiry of December 8, 1993, in which you request further details as to the Department's interpretative policies with respect to group ejaculation. I apologize for the delay in responding.

Group ejaculation for Custom's purpose is interpreted as the simultaneous ejaculation of two or more people on the body of another person.

I trust that this information is of assistance to you.

Sincerely,

Joel A. Oliver,
Director,
Prohibited Importations Directorate

cc: Michel Cleroux

• Art Show Banned

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• Man Fined for Selling Videos

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• OFRB Chair Considers Plans to Rate Video Games

The new chair of the Ontario Film Review Board, Leslie Anne Adams, is looking into the Board's classification of video games on the basis of sex and violence. However, issues of the Board's jurisdiction in this matter have yet to be resolved.