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From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: death by sex in cosmo (where else)?
Date: Sat, 20 Apr 1996 02:43:21 GMT

From the current (May 1996) issue of _Cosmopolitan_, an article entitled "When he loves you so much he (literally) dies in your arms" by D. J. Brooks, p. 134:

"The most notorious case of _in delicato flagranto morto_ (Latin for "caught dead with your pants down") allegedly occurred in 1899: The President of France died _avec une maitresse_ while receiving oral gratification. When Mademoiselle realized Monsieur was stiff for all the wrong reasons, she panicked, suffered trauma-induced lockjaw, and was rushed _a l'hopital_, where she had to be pried from the penis of le President.

[I've never heard the story with the _mouth_ hysterically clutching the penis before.]

"Eighty-one years later, a French Roman Catholic cardinal was found _mort_ in a bordello in Clichy, the red-light district of Paris. It's unlikely he was hearing confessions from _les filles de la nuit_.

"Late one evening in 1979, a rich, married elder American statesman expired in his Manhattan brownstone office. The New York Times reported that the septuagenarian was in the company of a "thirty-one-year-old former news reporter who was working as his research assistant on several projects." He died, the article diplomatically continued, the way he'd lived, "with an enthusiasm for life in all its public and private passions."

[wonder why they didn't use the name? is Helen Gurley Brown a family friend?]

"Hollywood mourned when movie star John Garfield died _impassionado_ -- allegedly not with Mrs. Garfield. Ditto Errol Flynn, who purportedly exited this lifetime with the macho bravado one came to expect of the indefatigable, swash-buckling womanizer.

[shocking, that Errol Flynn died having sex with someone other than Mrs. Garfield]

"While fellating her chauffeur in a limo that was traveling along California's coastal highway, an aging diva, it's been said, drove her man to the brink -- and he drove off a cliff.

[Barbara, too bad she's not around any more to give you pointers, or have you figured it out yet?]

"My southern friend told the tale of a Bible Belt town that was unbuckled when one of its prominent married citizens suddenly checked out in his room at the Motel Six, where he'd congregated every Tuesday afternoon with a local high-school senior and part-time carhop at Bob's Big Boy.

[ho-hum]

"Legend has it that Catherine the Great [you know the rest]"

They then tell you "he may only feel like a dead weight lying on top of you after an exhausting round of sex," so they give the American Medical Association's criteria for the determination of death (I'll omit the 'clever' comments):

1. Unreceptivity and unresponsivity.
2. Loss of all response to the environment and total unawareness of external stimuli.
3. Complete loss of reflexes and muscle tone.
4. Eyes become fixed with dilated pupils, mouth is open and motionless, skin turns pale, extremities stiffen.
5. Blood stops circulating, and the brain is deprived of oxygen.
6. Absence of spontaneous respiration and heartbeat.

So apparently, sex partners are allowed to pronounce a person dead.

JoAnne "and I found out in an artice about overcoming the fear of tools that 'Becky,' a gallery owner in Seattle, says 'My favorite tool is the level.... I'm compulsive about using my level. I've also given most of my friends levels as presents'" Schmitz

+=+=+=+=+=+=+

To which Lee Rudolph responds:

From: lrudolph@panix.com (Lee Rudolph)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: death by sex in cosmo (where else)?
Date: 20 Apr 1996 20:01:50 -0400

jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz) quotes Cosmo:

>"The most notorious case of _in delicato flagranto morto_ (Latin for
>"caught dead with your pants down") allegedly occurred in 1899: The
>President of France died _avec une maitresse_ while receiving oral
>gratification. When Mademoiselle realized Monsieur was stiff for all
>the wrong reasons, she panicked, suffered trauma-induced lockjaw, and
>was rushed _a l'hopital_, where she had to be pried from the penis of
>le President.
>
>[I've never heard the story with the _mouth_ hysterically clutching
>the penis before.]

Great version. In this connection, I've quoted the following from Legman II before:

When President Warren G. Harding died suddenly during a speaking tour in 1923, popular rumor did not fail to attribute his death-- officially announced as `ptomaine poisoning'--to a mysterious and discreditable disease. In the same way, when President Roosevelt later died suddenly while having his portrait painted by a woman, I was `reliably informed' that the same thing had happened to him as was reported of the French president, F\'elix Faure, fifty years earlier. ... That both died of heart attacks during fellation. The woman involved in France was later also accused of murdering her husband.

The Encyclopedia Brittanica informs me that "The latter days of M. Faure's presidency were embittered by the Dreyfus affair, which he was determined to regard as _chose jug\'e_. But at a critical moment in the proceedings his death occured suddenly, from apoplexy, on the 16h of February 1899." I wonder if there's ever been a version in which the fatal fellatrice was claimed to be acting as an agent of the Elders of Zion?

Lee "Faure's Requiem" Rudolph