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Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: Becca Ward <talorina@deathstar.org>
Subject: The dead kitten: Binky's new playmate
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 15:23:02 -0500

Chit-chat among the legal drones occasionally (though perhaps not often enough) focuses on the rilly rilly horrible things an attorney must do before the disciplinary powers will descend to enact vengeance, inflict humility, and propound upon the nobility of our "profession."

A recent tale reminded me so much of the poodle in the microwave that I thought it just could not be true: "Hey, did you hear the one about the lawyer who went to the opposing party's residence[1] while he was drunk, spilled booze on the family pet, and put it in the microwave to try to dry it out?" The upshot of the story was that not even such an inhumane act was sufficient to outrage the appropriate authorities.

Imagine my glee at having a recognized UL adapted for my own profession.[2] Surely, it can't be true.

It is, mostly. It was a kitten. The attorney was disciplined. It isn't clear that the microwave was used in a misguided attempt to dry the cat.

Binky, meet Max. He's not really all that fun to play with, since he's dead, but maybe the champagne residue will make up for that shortcoming.

_Attorney Grievance Commission of Maryland v. Protokowicz,_ 329 Md. 252, 619 A.2d 100 (1993). In this decision, the Court of Appeals of Maryland[3] indefinitely suspended the attorney, Stanley E. Protokowicz. Mr. Protokowicz represented the husband in a less-than-amicable divorce. While the wife was away on vacation, he and the husband -- who were both drunk to the gills -- went over to the wife's place of residence to search for certain financial records. When the wife and the minor children returned the next day, they found the damp kitten dead on the floor with the smell of champagne on it.

Several days after that, the wife tried to use the microwave for the first time after the break-in and noticed the smell of wet cat. She opened the door, saw cat hair inside, and finally realized how the kitten had died.

Mr. Protokowicz claimed that he was so drunk, he didn't realize what he was doing, and explained that he "accidentally turned the microwave oven on when the cat was in it." 329 Md. at 260, 619 A.2d at 104. Nothing in the decision indicates that he acted out of a desire to dry the cat; the evidence seems to indicate that his intent was less than friendly.

He later pled guilty to two misdemeanors: breaking and entering a dwelling house and cruelty to animals. He received one year for the first offense, and 90 days for the cruelty charge. He was placed on probation for 18 months with conditions for alcohol counseling and community service. He also apologized to the wife and her minor children, paid for counseling, and made other restitution.

The Maryland Court of Appeals found that Mr. Protokowicz's behavior was of such an "egregious nature" that it "warrants imposition of a significant sanction," and suspended him indefinitely from the practice of law, with leave to petition for reinstatement after one year.

Becca Ward

[1] Yes, even in chit-chat we're needlessly wordy.

[2] Possible moral: If you can get away with killing the opponent's pet, then it's not so bad if you do something less colorful, like make an unfounded objection during pretrial discovery.

[3] Like New York, Maryland calls its highest appellate court the "Court of Appeals."