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Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: jschmitz@qis.net (JoAnne Schmitz)
Subject: Re: Desert Hwy - Car Crash - JATO UL
Date: Fri, 8 Mar 1996 19:11:03 GMT

hsm@unislc.slc.unisys.com (Helge Moulding) wrote:

>curtis cameron wrote,
>: Jack Johansson wrote:
>: >How do they know he was going 300 mph? [...]
>: Police routinely make estimates of the speed at which an accident
>: happened. [...]

>They routinely measure skidmarks. Their length, combined with road
>conditions, provides an estimate of speed. A *very* rough estimate.

It's a simple calculation but it requires good methodology to apply the results properly.

The average human will be able to excrete 5 inches of stool per second in a highly excited or frightened state, e.g. "I'm gonna die." Divide the length of the "skid mark" by 5 inches and you know the time span between when the decedent was aware that he was about to die and the actual impact.

Caveats: first, you must ascertain whether there is in fact some excreta still in the bowel. If the bowel and rectum are empty, the decedent may have exhausted his supply before impact occurred. In this case the skid mark evidence will only be able to place a lower limit on the length of time in which the decedent has panicked.

The researcher will need to rule out impact-triggered excretion, also known as the "Colgate effect." Such cases may still be subject to normal evaluation if a clear demarcation between self-induced and forced defecation may be observed on the fecal matter. Such signs include a pinch mark, a sudden increase in diameter, or sudden simultaneous prolapse of the rectum (also known as banana-peeling).

Third, the case where diarrhea is evident requires more complicated calculation and immersion of the soiled clothing and upholstery in a measured amount of solvent with subsequent recovery of all liquid contents will be necessary to make a volumetric analysis of the contents. Subsequent examination of the decedent's rectum will often yield a good result in determining the maximum aperture and therefore the linear density (commonly designated rho) of the decedent's poop.

Unfortunately, without testimony of close friends or associated evidence such as recreational latex novelties left behind by the decendent, there is no way to accurately determine the aperture because of the wide variation of anal aperture size in the base population.

One case originally believed to be hopeless was solved by the fortuitous discovery that the decedent's water main was being repaired on the day of the accident, which allowed examination of the contents of the decedent's toilet. The researcher cannot depend on "hitting the jackpot" in every case, of course, and many incidents remain unsolved.

Finally, the researcher must still determine exactly where the decedent knew that the situation was probably not survivable. Where the path of the vehicle is clearly demarcated, it is sometimes possible to determine the point at which the trajectory is clearly going to intersect with the unintended target. A short lag distance will be necessary to compensate for mental processing.

A more reliable method is sometimes available. If cockpit conversation is being recorded, as often occurs during military maneuvers or for posterity when a speed record is being sought, the moment of enlightenment is usually punctuated by utterance of an expletive, the most common of which will probably be self-explanatory.

JoAnne "piling it higher and deeper" Schmitz