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From: iayork@panix.com (Ian A. York)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: Anaesthetising Giraffes
Date: 30 Jan 1996 11:47:45 -0500

In article <wb8fozDLx7nJ.CA1@netcom.com>, David Lesher <wb8foz@netcom.com> wrote: >
>Isn't PCP <aka Angel Dust> used as such in equines, or was it
>bovines? I seem to recall that a big problem was protecting the vet

It's closely related to some veterinary analgesic tranquilizers, yes - cats were the most popular recipients when I was in practice. The vet product is also an abused drug - you can probably find some stuff about it in some drugs FAQ.

>from exposure as they might tend to go beserk, doing things like
>putting Binky...^H^H^H^H....^%&*(*& CARRIER LO...

PRESS RELEASE AFU INC FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

AFU FASHION CZAR SAYS: BINKY JOKES OUT, CURRENCY JOKES IN FOR 1996

WINKIES REMAIN FIRM

Terry van der Gustafsnopesbaugh, AFU Inc.'s leading fashion designer, today revealed the official new lines of jokes for 1996. "These are all-new, street-smart jokes with a touch of naughtiness just right for 1996," said van der Gustafsnopesbaugh, who has been in charge of AFU jokes for the past decade.

Chief among the new jokes for winter are a fresh yet timeless line of currency jokes. Comparisons between American and British currency, humorous observations on coin design, and counterfeiting jokes are aimed at complementing the traditional AFU "two-fifty" series, a best-selling line for years.

No longer in vogue are the briefly stylish "Binky" jokes. "Those are so, you know, August 1995," explained van der Gustafsnopesbaugh. "They don't fit into our new, modern plans." Official spokesdog Buddy Robinson accepted the news with resignation. "I've seen it coming for some time now," he observed. "They started out with a bang, but I've noticed a definite fall in their popularity over the past few months. I thought they had that timeless je ne sais quois, but the people have spoken. It's been a good gig, but it had to end," adding philosophically, "Arf." Buddy's agent is negotiating roles as a model for other jokes, including that of William Shatner's toupee.

Also revealed were a new line of 'highbrow' jokes for 1996, the "Tindall-Rudolph" series. Although the full series is still not released for general use, beta testers in the target audience have reported considerable success with the pre-release version of Sanskrit/Inuit puns and 1901 'first edition' humour. This series is "designed for the discriminating academic," explained G. Legman, who designed many of the lines. "We guarantee that only the very best people will 'get' these jokes."

Some classic AFU jokes continue to be deployed with success. 'Cow orkers' has continued to diversify, recently adding 'coa uthor' to the series. The sturdy 'voracity' recently sold its sixth million unit, with no sign of flagging popularity, and of course Andy Wardley's winky remains a hotbed of hilarity.

On the horizon for spring is an off-the-shoulder line of Jehovah's Witness anecdotes, although industry insiders doubt that this will show lasting popularity. A preliminary market test recently showed ambiguous responses, and van der Gustafsnopesbaugh's designers are reported to be frantically retooling the anecdotes for longer wear. For summer, AFU is expected to see an upsurge of nounifications, followed by a series of 'decapitation' comments (advertised by AFU supermodel Maddi Page) in fall.

-- 

                      Ian York   (iayork@panix.com)
      "-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
       very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England



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