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From: wvhorn@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (William VanHorne)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: Election legends
Date: 18 May 1994 16:42:36 GMT

In article <2rdd2d$8df@gazette.bcm.tmc.edu>, William G. Sinkins <wsinkins@mbcr.bcm.tmc.edu> wrote: >When I went to get a Texas Driver's Licence a few months ago, I identified
>myself with a Canadian passport and an Ontario birth certificate, and I had
>to surrender my Ontario Driver's Licence (a Texas law). Guess what they
>asked me when they were doing the paperwork: "Would you like to register to
>vote?" I know that voter turnout is low in the U.S., but recruiting
>foreigners seems like a drastic solution.

At last! A confession! It has long been my theory that this great country of ours was being subjected to an invasion of Godless Northern Heathen who slip across our borders in order to vote. What better way to cripple this mighty land of promise than to bring the likes of Clinton and Quayle to power? Now that we know the truth, what can a patriotic True American, like yourself, do to unearth this heinous plot and expose their dasterdly cadres?

How To Spot Canadians:

1. Approach suspected Maple Leaf Cell member and say: "Hey. What's the name of that big dirty town in Michigan where they used to make cars?" Responses:
   1. "DE-troyt" : subject is a true God-fearing American
   2. "de-TROYT" : inconclusive - proceed to test #2
   3. "de-TRO-it": Canadian! Impale subject through the heart with stake.
2. Continue conversation with: "I hope to go to Sudbury for my vacation."

   Responses:

   1. "Huh? Whazzat, a park?" : subject is One Of Us.
   2. "Why would you want to do that?" : inconclusive - proceed to test #3
   3. "You're nuts!" : Canadian! Follow instructions for test 1, response 3
3. Say: "How many kilometres is it from here to Ottowa?"

   Responses:

   1. "Huh? Whazza kilo-meter?" : relax, you're among friends.
   2. "Who cares?" : relax, probably a harmless European of some sort.
   3. <subject gives numeric answer of any kind> : see test 1, response 3.

(Note that it is no longer possible to identify GNHs by their use of "eh?" at the end of sentences. Their indoctrination camps train them not to use it when infiltrating our land)

If each and every True American would do their utmost to expose and eliminate this hideous foreign plot against the morals we hold most dear, we could return to the halcyon days of righteousness that are ours by birthright.

---Bill "next week, Kiwis: Global Plague or Alien Invasion?" VanHorne