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From: dennyzen@delphi.com
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Serious Omission in PvdL's New Book
Date: Wed, 29 Jun 94 16:16:31 -0500

Earlier today, a uniformed agent of the United States Government presented to me a copy of the book "Expert C Programming -- Deep C Secrets" by Peter van der Linden. I was at once so overcome with excitement that I ran to my Sun SPARCstation 10 to try out some of the examples, when in a trice it dawned upon me that I don't even own a Sun SPARCstation 10.

No matter. Geedily I began to devour its every page until my wife suggested that perhaps a kipper or two might be more nourishing.

'Twas then that I detected *the omission*.

Do omissions exist? I mean, is an omission a thing that *is* because it is not? Does a commission require two people, but an omission only one? Have I had too much coffee today? What could be missing from a book which includes even a jacket quote from a member of the University of Scranton Computer Science faculty?

What's missing is the smarmy "Author's Thumbnail Biography."

Since I don't know much about PvdL's thumbnails, I can't help there, but I do know a few bits about Peter himself, so I thought I might draft a smarmy "Author's Itty Bitty Biography" which could be used in his next tome. Gratis. As you might expect from any such puff piece, there may be a few facts which could stand a drop or two of "LockTite".

Peter van der Linden

Peter van der Linden (PvdL, to his creditors) began his rise to stardom as a foundling discovered on the main street of Berlin, Germany, whence came his adopted surname. His given name was supplied by the hospital nurse who, upon unwrapping his swaddling copy of "Der Berliner Tagblatt", could not contain her admiration for his, er, nascent charm.

Previous books by PvdL include two volumes of practical jokery (ghost written by the dislexic former defensive lineman of the Los Angeles Raiders, Trelford Pinkerton), and another on SCUBA diving. PvdL is an accomplished diver ("accomplished" = "has surfaced"), which is the source of the none-too-subtle pun of his most recent title. The very constipated Killer Bass on the cover of "Expert C Programming -- Deep C Secrets" was boated by Peter himself (or, perhaps it was vice-versa).

Peter owns a bright blue Rolls Royce pickup truck which he won in a card game. His exploits with this vehicle have been chronicled by John D. MacDonald, who refers to Peter using the anagram "Travis McGee" in the famous romans-a-clef murder mystery series.

Peter brews his own beer, bakes his own bread, and sews most of his and his wife's clothes on an ancient treadle Singer which was once owned by the Triangle Shirtwaist Company.

Peter is also a fancier of fine houndflesh. He is the proud owner of two of the very rare "reverse image" Dalmations, which have white-on-black coats instead of the usual black-on-white. These two handsome dogs and three of their litter-mates were used as models for the Walt Disney feature cartoon movie "101 [Base 2] Dalmations."

We look forward to Peter's next work, which will delve into the more esoteric aspects of Objective COBOL.

Readers: If you program in C or C+=1 you'll find in this one volume both the last bug you created without knowing why, plus the one you are about to.

So, buy it!

t "c is my surinitial" c
--
( )_( )
\. ./
_=.=_
" -- Hey! You forgot the stuff about PvdL living in Altos Gatos!