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Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: het3@crash.cts.com (Harry Teasley III)
Subject: Animal Rights Activists Boycott AFU
Date: Tue, 27 Sep 1994 07:19:44 GMT

AFU ACCUSED OF ANIMAL RIGHTS VIOLATIONS

New York (AP) - In yet another blow to the beleagured AFU, Inc, activists representing rec.pets.cats, rec.pets.dogs, and PETA have intiated a boycott against the corporation for what they call "inhumane animal testing and appalling animal handling procedures." This announcement, made at a press conference today in Washington, DC, comes on the heels of SEC investigations into alleged insider trading of ULs and a rumored action against the management of One AFU PLaza by OSHA for safety violations.

Rec.pets.dogs spokesman Doug de Bordeaux states, "AFU has clearly violated all accepted animal handling practices in its research of ULs, abusing not only dogs and cats, but also cows and in some instances fish in its quest to bring its ULs to market. We have reports of cats being systematically dropped from skyscrapers all over Manhattan, and numerous incidents of the illegal shooting of rats in cages."

"What really has our office concerned is the reports of cow tipping experiments, and what impact this may have on the nation's dairy industry." Industry analysts downplay the significance of the vigilante UL testing by AFU, but insiders indicate the real impact of the experiments is unknown. "[The dairy farms] don't want it known how much they've been hurt by tipped cows. They fear the volatility of the commodities market, and want to squelch any rumors as fast as possible," a source from the within the barn said.

PETA spokesman Jack Russell was more blunt. "AFU is completely out of hand. Everyone knows that animal testing is an outmoded way of UL verification, that computers can be used to simulate animals for the purposes of testing. This cruelty must stop now!" he said as he broke down into tears. AFU representative Mr Bloody Perfect declined to comment, except to say that PETA was, "a bunch of fucking huge poofs."

Investigations by the rec.pets organizations will continue to probe into the activities of AFU and its animal handling practices. Markets continue to be bearish, with ULs down 1 7/8 to 21 1/4 in light trading.

Harry "Going to bed" Teasley


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