The AFU and Urban Legend Archive AFU Snide alt folklore conditioner air faq Select a topic - - - - - - - - Home Searches AFU FAQ - - - - - - - - AFU Animals Books Celebrities Classic Collegiate Death Disney Drugs Food GIF Language Legal Medical Misc Movies Politics Products Religion Science Sex Songs TV - - - - - - - - Other sites

Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: abw@dsbc.icl.co.uk (Andy Wardley)
Subject: Which one of you is responsible for this?
Date: Thu, 7 Jul 1994 13:54:58 GMT

Found in the Usenet Oracularities 660-06. Someone from around here has to be responsible for this.

Andy "wasn't me this time" Wardley

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I've noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "oracle", you get "ac
> lore". So do you know any tales about air conditioners? (I'm really
> NOT interested in tales about California).

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} What do you think alt.folklore.conditioners.air is for?? Cripes, I } am *surrounded* by newbies!! And don't *post* there, for God's sake, } get the FAQ and **read it**!!!
} Actually, since the Oracle is in a good mood, I'll get it for you, } but this time *only*! Consider yourself extremely fortunate that I } haven't zotted you in the jobs instead! OK, here it is: }
} *******************alt.folklore.conditioners.air********************* } ******************Frequently Asked Questions File******************** }
} PLEASE read and commit to memory before even THINKING about posting } to this group, you clueless newbie!! Remember, Abraham Lincoln read } this group for over 150 years before posting! Get a clue! And don't } talk with your mouth full! And stop tracking mud accross my nice } clean database!!
} This FAQ is available through anonymous ftp from } acarchive.uselessinfo.ukshnooksville.edu. } The following urban legends about air conditioners are rated by the } following code:
} T=100% scientific truth
} Tb=believed true by superstitious idiots like yourself } F=100% false (includes 100% of what you were taught in grade school,

}     99.99% of what you were taught in high school, 90% of what you were
}     taught in college, 105% of what you read in the paper, and 100% of
}     any beliefs you have that give you hope and a reason to live)

} Fb=false, but we think you'll buy it } S=too silly to even consider
} Cypidh?=Can you prove it *didn't* happen?? } ===================================================================== } LEGENDS
} T=The air conditioner got its name from its inventor, Theodore "Lumpy" } Airconditioner.
} F=William McKinley was assassinated by having an air conditioner dropped } on his head (it was a humidifier).
} F=Millard Fillmore installed the first air conditioner in the White } House (no, he had a repairman do it). } T=They had to install a special extra-powerful air conditioner in the } White House for William Howard Taft. } T=A woman was in an air conditioner dealership when she suddenly } noticed Paul Newman standing next to her. She managed to leave the } dealership calmly, but then noticed that she forgot to take the air } conditioner she just bought. She went back into the store and asked } the clerk "Where's my air conditioner?" "In your purse, lady, where } you put it!" said Paul Newman.
} T=If you put an air conditioner in a microwave oven, it will explode. } Tb=Sloppy person fails to replace air conditioner filters regularly. } Slug lays its eggs in air conditioner. Next summer, the air } conditioner makes strange noises. Repairman removes front of air } conditioner, is covered with baby slugs, one of which eats its way } into his brain.
} Fb=Housewife gets very hot doing housework on a hot summer day. } Considers doing housework in the nude, but finally decides to turn } on air conditioner instead. Meter reader arrives and says, "Your air } conditioner certainly makes your house pleasantly cool!" } T=Captain James T. Kirk's middle name is "Air Conditioner". } Tb=Old woman's dying wish is to be buried with her cat and her air } conditioner. The request is carried out. Three days later, the casket } is dug up for some reason, and it is discovered that the air } conditioner has eaten the cat.
} Cypidh?=Nigel Tufnel has an air conditioner that goes to 11. } S=East German secret "bug" plant now makes air conditioners. } Tb=World Trade Center air conditioner contains dead bodies of several of } the workers who built it.
} Fb=You can buy unused World War II vintage centra air conditioners from } the government for $50 each. They come unassembled, packed in grease. } T=A professor at an air conditioning installation and repair trade } school once pushed an air conditioner into the classroom over the } transom.
} Tb=The Great Air Conditioner of China can be seen with the naked eye } from the moon.
} T=Dave Lennox is a hermaphrodite.
} Tb=If the air conditioner in your college dorm room breaks beyond } repair, you get "A's" in all your classes that semester. } T=Cancer kid Craig Shergold wants to get into the Guiness Book of World } Records for owning the most air conditioners. Send in your air } conditioner immediately!
} T=Having an air conditioner go through your digestive system causes } cancer in lab rats.
} T=Albert Einstein's air conditioner did poorly in school. } Fb=The FCC is considering putting a tax on air conditioners. Write your } congressman immediately!!
} T=Woman finds a small air conditioner by the side of the road while } vacationing in Mexico. Smuggles it back to U.S. Takes it to } repairman, who tells her it's really a Mexican sewer rat with fresh, } minty breath.
} Tb=Putting a bottle of water on top of your air conditioner will keep } your dog from turning it on while you're not home. } Fb=Johnny Carson broadcast a telephone number that people can call to } get free air conditioner repair.
} T=Man submitted water dripping from his air conditioner instead of urine } for a drug test. Test showed he needed to have his filter changed. } F=Lee Harvey Oswald's air conditioner acted alone. } T=Paul is dead.
} Tb=John Dillinger's unusually large air conditioner is preserved in the } Smithsonian.
} T=Adolf Hitler had only one air conditioner. } T=Richard Gere has a special custom-made air conditioner shaped like a } penis. He once had to go to the emergency room to have it removed from } his rectum.
} T=A woman once installed an air conditioner in her beehive hairdo. It } ate its way into her brain.
} ===================================================================== }
} You owe the oracle some factory air-conditioned air from our fully } factory air condtioned factory.