The AFU and Urban Legend Archive
AFU
Snide
 the night before christmas




From: DENNYZEN@delphi.com
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Twas the Night Before Something
Date: Thu, 23 DEC 93 12:22:50 EST

I beg your forebearance, gentle souls, for what follows, in that I know it full well to be: a) trite, b) metrically
challenged, c) rhymatically deficient,
d) neither parallel to nor as long as
the original.

Nonetheless I offer it in the spirit
of the season.

---

Twas the night before Christmas
throughout AFU,
not an old hat was posting,
and lurkers were few.

The legends were hung
on the newsfeed with care
in hopes that the FAQ angel
soon would be there.

The newbies who snuggled
all clutching their mice,
thought Email from Kibo
would surely be nice.

While I in my condom
and Ma in her teddy
had just settled down
for a romp on the beddie.

When out of the Sparc
there arose such a clatter,
I abandoned my S O
to admin the matter.

I opened a shell tool
and typed in some pings.
I started a daemon
and other such things.

In the light of the raster,
a flickering glow,
X windows fell open
like new flakes of snow.

Then what I beheld
made me call to my wife.
There were dozens of FAQ entries
coming to life!

There was Shergold and Blue Star,
the hook hand, the slasher.
Pull tabs and kidneys,
a gang headlight flasher.

There was Coke in a douche bag,
a Mexican pet.
A vanished hitch hiker,
the scariest yet!

There were legends and rumours
and stories galore.
And when they came at me
I ran for the door.

But none of them hurt me,
they made me their friend.
They wanted to tell me
this wasn't the end.

They'd be there forever,
and never complain.
If only we'd post them
again and again.

I said I would do so.
My word had they earned.
So back to the news group
they slowly returned.

And I saw them broadcast,
As they logged off the net,
Have a wonderful season!
The best you can get!

t "have a nice holiday" c
--
( )_( ) "DWI on the Information Superhighway" \. ./
_=.=_
"


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