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 vicki usenet oracle




Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: dbd@martha.utcc.utk.edu (David DeLaney)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularities Digest #614
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 21:11:04 GMT

Extracted from the latest UseNet Oracularities, *proof* that Vicki Robinson has powers greater than those of mortal man: (for a complete set of Oracularities, look at rec.humor.oracle)

oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu writes [in part]: >----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Date: Tue, 21 Dec 93 09:35:03 -0500
>From: "Steve Kinzler" <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
>Subject: Usenet Oracularities Digest #614
>
>To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate,
>send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
>line.
>
>Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
>on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
>volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
>message). For example:
> 614
> 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
>
>609 61 votes 5bng6 agid4 aoi63 67ndc 5bhhb 26eli 8hja7 brf53 5hm98 8jff4
>609 3.0 mean 3.1 2.8 2.5 3.3 3.3 3.8 2.9 2.4 3.0 2.8
>
>------------------------------
>
>Date: Tue, 21 Dec 93 09:35:24 -0500
>From: Usenet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu>
>Subject: Usenet Oracularity #614-10
>
>Selected-By: Carole Susan Fungaroli <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>
>
>The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
>Your question was:
>
>> please tell me why I cant telnet to y1.sdsc.edu
>> the ip number is 132.249.10.1
>>
>> please tell me who I can find my friends email address.
>> He works at bell labs in ohio and his name is Hank Modnar.
>>
>> elias
>>
>> [ Names have been changed to protect the innocent. -ed ]
>
>And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
>
>} Well, Elias, you currently inhabit a universe in which the machine
>} called y1.sdsc.edu does not exist. Which is probably just as well,
>} since in the universe where the machine does exist, Pat Boone has been
>} President for 14 years now. In _your_ universe, the IP address
>} 132.249.10.1 is assigned to an old IBM PC belonging to Serdar Argic;
>} the reason you can't get to it is that most of the time, it is running
>} a self-booting, pirated copy of Zork III.
>}
>} In order to obtain your friend's e-mail address, the Oracle sagely
>} advises that you:
>}
>} telnet to rs.internic.net
>}
>} and then:
>}
>} type "whois"
>}
>} and next,
>}
>} type "dom bell"
>}
>} You will now see that this command does not give you a domain for Bell
>} Labs, let alone for Bell Labs in Ohio.
>}
>} But don't despair. There's more.
>}
>} Now you need to type "quit" twice, since the InterNIC requires strict
>} adherence to ritual.
>}
>} Next, you should call up your newsreader, and crosspost to as many
>} groups as possible, preferably including alt.config, news.groups,
>} news.admin, alt.flame, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh, alt.folklore.urban,
>} alt.peeves, alt.fan.robert.mcelwaine, soc.motss, alt.fan.lemurs,
>} alt.personals.bondage, alt.ted.frank.troll.troll.troll, alt.discordia,
>} alt.revisionism, alt.exploding.kibo, and alt.religion.kibology, a post
>} that makes the following request:
>}
>} Oh great LEADER KiBo, O wi$e and LEARNED leaDer kibO, O seXXXy and
>} wonderful LEADER KIBO, O BENEvoLENT and munifiCENT architeCt of
>} HappyNet, PLEA$E iMPART tO mE yOUR sAGE wI$DOM! and tellme what hank
>} modnars at bell labs in ohios email adress is!
>}
>} Be sure to mention Vicki Robinson in your .sig. This part is very
>} important.
>}
>} Next, you must display a GIF of Sam Kinison on your monitor, get up
>} from your chair, and draw a pentagram using your own blood on the
>} floor. Draw a circle around the pentagram, and place a single black
>} candle, lit, at each point of the pentagram. Stand in the middle of
>} the pentagram and chant "I _do_ believe in ghosts! I _do_ believe in
>} ghosts! I _do_ believe in ghosts!"
>}
>} Then, pick up your phone, call Hank Modnar, and ask him for his
>} e-mail address.
>}
>} Done in the proper order, these actions _should_ yield the proper
>} result. Attention to detail is necessary.
>}
>} You owe the Oracle a shave and a haircut, or two bits, whichever comes
>} first. Void where prohibited.
>
>------------------------------
>End of Usenet Oracularities Digest #614
>***************************************

Dave "crossposted *completely* without permission, o Great Oracle" DeLaney


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