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 tom madden returns




Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: tmadden@netcom.com (Thomas C. Madden)
Subject: The More Things Change...
Date: Tue, 21 Jun 1994 05:24:51 GMT

Well, gone 11 weeks and let's see what's happening in AFU:

All the usual suspects seem to be here, with one or two exceptions. Wes Leatherock - don't disappear and leave me alone out on the far end of the age distribution! Who else? Oh yeah. Everyone's here EXCEPT FOR JOEL. (Apologies to Bob O'Bob.) Joel, I hope you find what you're looking for, but I suspect it's been here, all the time.

Our Ms. Vicki traveled to the ends of the earth and found herself in Steve Casky's basement. She managed to escape and flee the Land of Down Underwear (and Paul was so hoping to mount a rescue mission), returning to Rochester, the one place in the world where no one has an accent.

Joe Chew brought forth the greatest (or worst, DOYPOV) pun of the year. Tell us, Joe, how long have you been waiting to use that Obi Wan joke? Cindy may be our Certified Language Mechanic in Seamed Stockings, but Joe and Lee Rudolph are our Masters of Wordplay.

Dave DeLaney appeared to be struck dumb, yet reflexively continued to post. If brevity is the soul of wit, these posts were the most hilarious Dave ever posted. More objective readers pointed out that it wasn't our beloved Dave, but Dave "Small L" Delaney, just being a newbie. If Al Unser Jr. is comfortable with the nickname "Little Al", David Delaney should be able to handle "Little L". Or "Faux".

Nice thread on the drug that causes yawn-triggered ejaculations. (Tonight would be great, honey. I'm really tired!)

Interesting mega-troll of all of AFU with the peanut butter story. (Peanut Butter - it's not just for sandwiches anymore!)

There are the usual threads concerning male and female plumbing. Two posters claim to actually _own_ particular pieces of critical reproductive apparatus. Do they have to be registered? (My memories of puberty suggest that my apparatus often owned _me_!) One particularly interesting thread concerns problems with IUD removal cords. A number of males described various stabbings and snaggings during amorous episodes, suggesting a dangerous new form of trolling.

Our Peter Pl*n*ec infection seems to be in remission, but we're beset by a bad case of Drizzik. (We _must_ do something about the declining quality of newbies.) Drizzik's earnest newbiness was only exceeded by the flood of AFU regulars who, vying for the Master Of The Obvious award, fell all over themselves in their haste to point out Drizzik's naivete`.

Confronted by excessive trolling of newbies, PvdL once again set forth the Rules For Trolling, then donned his best piscatorial garb to demonstrate just how it's done. Nice job on the broccoli daiquiri, Peter!

Another good troll is the "light bulb in the urethra" story. (A troll doesn't have to be intentional to be good.) This mind-boggler suggested two things. First, I wouldn't want to be at the next urinal to someone who could do a full quart bladder-dump in approx. 500 milliseconds. Second,

He: Do you come here often??

She: Moooo!

Barbara Hamel ("Yer beautiful in yer wrath") has picked up the Holy Hand Grenade of Feistiness and donned the mantle of AFU Program Manager to attempt to instruct the new ones in our ways. To her advice of "Read The FAQ" I would add "Comprehend The FAQ" or, (I _am_ posting from Boulder) "Become One With Your FAQ". Alas, these concepts may be too complex for the current crop of newcomers. My advice? First, if the answer to an AFU question is so obvious that even you, in your newbiness, know the answer, that question was rhetorical. Second, we seldom award style points here. We _expect_ submissions to be well-written without misspellings. Violators run the risk of being ridiculed, or worse, ignored! (In the two years I've been on AFU I can't recall any poorly-written post with a message so compelling we cut the poster much slack. Hats, feel free to correct me.)

Anyway, it's great to see things haven't changed!

Tom "next post - real AFU content" Madden


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