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Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: derek@nezsdc.icl.co.nz (Derek Tearne)
Subject: Re: Undead (was Re: Sparks from Lifesavers candy in your mouth (& exploding ...)
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 94 21:02:12 GMT

In article <1994Jan21.154637.1221@enterprise.rdd.lmsc.lockheed.com> Tim A. Dowd <bodo@lmsc.lockheed.com> writes: >In article <CJy5x8.K6G@fc.hp.com> Ray Depew, rrd@fc.hp.com writes:
>>Well I have 5 children, and I understand that's abnormally large, but
>>none of them are deformed. And as far as I can tell, I'm not d--connection
>timed out--
>>-- post reply before exiting? (Y/n) --
>>-- posting ...... exiting -- have a nice day! --
>>NO CARRIER
>
>Dang, there goes another one. Paging Derek Tearne...

Oh dear, how sad.

At least on AFU he can continue posting. Well, I suppose this calls for a revised undead list.

Hmmm, rustle rustle...

Alt Folklore Urban seems to be unique among newsgroups in that many of it's regular posters appear to be dead. This clique form an exclusive central core of posters more powerful than the backbone cabal. After all they can walk through walls and leave baited hooks on car doors at will.

How did this situation arise?

Well it seems ages now since poor old Cindy (or was it Cynthia) Kandolf was the first poster to be declared dead on AFU and started the trend. Even though she protested her existance many times in those original weeks we all knew the truth.

How did all these people get to be dead?

Well it appears that among the friendly backstabbing which goes on in this group there are the occasional fatalities. All of the official undead have been declared as such by other unnamed and forgotten posters while their backs were turned a moment too long.

Why are so many of the old farts^h^h^h^h^hhats dead?

The answer to this question is unclear. Some people suspect that it is something to do with a yeast infection spread through all that dirty headgear. Half of the Terry's are already departed so I'd be getting worried if I was a living Terry.

Who killed Terry "Hands as fast as lightning" Chan?

I can't remember but they must be a fearsome poster indeed to stand up against the redoubtable Chan.

Who are these dead posers?

As far as I can tell this is the definitive list. Surprisingly Peter van der Linden doesn't appear even though his frequent and welcome absences^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hreturns should imply at least long periods of hibernation. Perhaps that explains his longevity.

Trelford Pinkerton seems to have gone so completely that I think he is extinct. Poor old Wayne McDougall lay bleeding and wounded for a long time in the aftermath of "The World will be 6000 years old", (or was it too much partying at the Auckland Festival of emissions). He has now recovered enough for a light diet of soc.culture.new-zealand but his doctors advise against sharing dirty newsgroups with Joel Furr.

So here it is.

The Official AFU living dead.

Cindy "The original dead poster" Kandolf Bill "The official dead poster" Nelson Terry "The redoubtable" Chan
aB "Night of the living BOT" Mayers Phil "Scooped out of a lake while scuba diving and dropped into a

forest fire" Gustafson
Bill "Every day, in every way, I'm getting deader and deader" VanHorne Terry "The venerable" Monks
Alex "Just stepped out for a second and blam" Cook little "hooray! at last i'm one of the afu dead!!!! *scamper*

*frolic* *twirl*" gator
Ray "I wonder what happens if I drink this purple frothing chemical while

posting -connection timed out" Depew (The ex-official exeutioner).

Of course the list wouldn't be complete without

The "Vanishing" Hitchhiker
And

All the hundreds of victims of 'Lights Out' killings...

Other categories represented are

Official Angel of death

John "And his 64 Ford Falcon" Switzer

Nearly dead (or threatened with death)

Jon "They call him Mr Pud-boy" Papai

Why is Dave DeLaney so determined to have them killed (He'll never succeed!)

Vicki "Only one virus has been eradicated in the history of man, I

won't be number two!!!" Robinson Derek "The Chinese Vampires came close, good job I eat Garlic Bread" Tearne

Official never had a life in the first place

Brian "unalive" Scearce

AFU Self Proclaimed Dead (which may not count)

Brent "but I got better" Siedel

AFU dead lurkers (self proclaimed by e-mail so I really don't think this counts)

Malinda "So dead I don't even post" McCall

AFU

ObDeadAnimalStory:

Which is also among the victims of AFU. Along with the Hare Drier and several deer.

If there is anyone who I have forgotten then tough. The dead can't retaliate anyway.

ObSpooky: Something very strange happened after I posted the list last time.

Derek "I wonder what will happen this time..." Tearne