The AFU and Urban Legend Archive AFU Minutes afu uk ii Select a topic - - - - - - - - Home Searches AFU FAQ - - - - - - - - AFU Animals Books Celebrities Classic Collegiate Death Disney Drugs Food GIF Language Legal Medical Misc Movies Politics Products Religion Science Sex Songs TV - - - - - - - - Other sites

Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: abw@dsbc.icl.co.uk (Andy Wardley)
Subject: Daddy, what did you do in the great AFU UK II?
Date: Tue, 21 Jun 1994 13:46:45 GMT

Elsewhere on AFU are some wise words from Andrew Welsh on the unConvention that was AFU UK II (daytime). Below are some not-so-wise words crafted from inelligible notes about AFU UK II (evening). Pictures were taken by Daniele, soon to be GIF!ed, my coffee tastes lovely out of my mug and I even got my sister to the airport on time the following morning....

AFU UK II (evening) got off to a cracking start when I arrived at the designated pub to find it shut. Not to be disheartened, I left a paper trail of FAQ pages to the nearest open pub (in case of other early arrivals) where I happily quaffed a few ales and mused on the remaining pages of the FAQ. 7 o'clock, back to the Riverside Inn where I met Tony Sweeney. "Hurrah!" we declared and drunk some beer.

After some Tom-chattery, Ratty the Rat made an appearance closely followed by Daniele Procida. Ratty the Rat ran back to the canal and we all introduced ourselves and drunk some more beer. Well, except for Daniele who was driving. Shortly after that, Daniele's other Warwick compatriots Robert Alcock and Lurker 1, returned from the cashpoint (and Burger King - you greedy bastards) and we drunk some more beer (except Daniele who was driving).

Robert hadn't got it his way at BK and had actually got a *single* rather than a *double* whopper-chopper-doodle. To those of us who had been getting rather hungry waiting for them, justice was in some way seen to be done

Noteably missing were Andrew Welsh who had been to the unConvention but had gone off to get married, or something like that, and Ewan Kirk who was supposed to have showed up in the morning but never did. Tony and I expressed great dissatisfaction that our chance of meeting Ewan "Wanking for a Generation" Kirk had passed. We imagined it to be some kiddy vomit problem or nuclear nappies that had kept him away and forgave him. Now we know that he was actually in Stockholm, although through no fault of his own.

One of the early subjects we managed to clear up was that of Daniele's sex. No, not that kind. Because Daniele's name could be construed as a form of Danielle or Daniel, neither Tony nor I actually knew which one it was. We do now. We had to laugh at Daniele's tales of how a certain "cranially covered" of AFU (and *many* other groups) had been hitting on Daniele via Email. That person got it wrong. Tony had to explain to us what "Cheescake Pictures" were. We did laugh. And drunk some more beer (except Daniele who was driving).

At this point, Tony wanted to make the following statement for the records "Andy Wardley is a bit of a hippy". He was obviously drunk and incapable of rational thought or observation.

The rest of the next two hours was merrily frittered away with talk of swimming, lawyers, bladder control, how Tony waters his melons, and hilarious accidents (I showed off the big scar on my head - the others were visibly impressed!). Perhaps the most thought provoking subject was that of Superman's sperm and how it must be just as invincible as him. The reasoning went that it wouldn't stop going until it had impregnated someone, and as such, with a single hand-shandy, the Man of Steel could impregnate most of the World's women and generally cause a lot of trouble. We worried not of the matter and drunk some more beer (except Daniele who was driving).

Next challenge was the pub's quiz machine. OK, "quiz machine" in the loosest sense of the word. More of an electronic machine designed to show pictures of semi-naked women in the pretense of asking serious questions concerning the multiple-orgasmic-capacity of women. Crap game, but the pictures were good. We lost quite a lot of money in it.

It was around then that Tony dissappeared. He had been wobbling about the pub, with eyes-a-rolling and head spinning and then <woof> gone in a flash. We checked under the tables, in the toilets, behind the quiz machine, in our pockets and Lurker 1 even had a look in the canal.

No Tony.

Funnily enough, it's about the last thing he remembers too. He woke up at 3am on a train in Cambridge, a long, long way away from where he wanted to be. He spent the night wandering around looking for an all night garage to buy some cigs before catching the first train back in the morning.

After half an hour a Tony-hunting, we gave up the ghost and Daniele drove us back out of London to my place where we dropped the car off and went for a curry. Robert complained that his Prawn Madras was hotter than it should be. This was patent nonsense as my Chicken Madras was jolly yummy and if anything, a little on the mild side.

No-one threw up in the toilets, fell asleep in their curry or abused any member of staff or indeed, the general public. This was quite a victory considering some of the people I've taken curries with and we left the Indian fully replete and happy. Best of all, we didn't have to run anywhere because most of us were far too drunk by then (except Daniele... etc...etc...)

By now, the snuggle bunnies were tugging at our ankles and we went back to my place and caught some ZZZs in the land of nod. The fat lady sung and that was the AFUUK that was.

Andy "leave my hips out of this" Wardley

Andy Wardley: abw@oasis.icl.co.uk "Until this smug-looking guy drove up to me at the crossroads in a recently waxed Bitchin' Black Convertible and said 'It's hotter where I come from.' One guitar duel and a soul sold to Satan later and the dream was over. It wasn't even fair as I only had an air guitar to play with and that was out of tune." BADGERBADGERBADGERBADG