The AFU and Urban Legend Archive AFU Minutes afu rocky mountain Select a topic - - - - - - - - Home Searches AFU FAQ - - - - - - - - AFU Animals Books Celebrities Classic Collegiate Death Disney Drugs Food GIF Language Legal Medical Misc Movies Politics Products Religion Science Sex Songs TV - - - - - - - - Other sites

Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: tmadden@netcom.com (Thomas C. Madden)
Subject: AFU-Rocky Mt. High report
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 1994 01:26:46 GMT

A promptu (very slightly prearranged) gathering of the faithful took place on Saturday, Aug. 6, in Fort Collins, CO. AFUers present were Vicki Robinson, Ray "Spam" Depew, and Tom Madden. Also in attendance were Valerie Depew, Gail Madden, our unwitting but gracious hosts Debbie and Tom Moss (Vicki's sister and brother-in-law) and assorted Robinson, Depew, and Moss offspring great and small. Scheduled to begin at 3:30 pm, the Depew and Madden entourages arrived a fashionable 20 minutes late.

Introductions were immediately followed by a general lauding of HP plotter and printer products to help Ray feel more secure in his employment. With Vicki traveling and off the net for most of the preceeding week, Ray offered a quick AFU update. Vicki was briefed on the latest followups to her "Ray Come Back..." thread, and its spinoff, "Paging Lizzie Borden". Of particular interest was the exchange between Barbara "Babs" Hamel and Kim "Kim" Scheinberg over the aptness of appointing an executioness for the group.

The formalities out of the way, the group repaired to the back yard for the obligatory photo session. (Results coming soon to a cathouse near you.) Tom Madden, mercifully, kept his hat on lest the glare from his bald pate overwhelm Vicki's 400ASA film.

With the Colorado participants suitably emulsified, Vicki produced her AFU photo album. "Oooh's" and "Aaah's" issued forth at the sight of Derek, charming and elegant in his bathrobe; at the bitchin' black convertible; at Vicki, standing with one of New Zealand's masses of overheated gas. (When Derek said he was going to show her all the hot spots, Vicki didn't realize he meant geothermal features.) There was Steve Caskey, and the beginning of the Penguin Odyssey. From Toronto, New York and Chicago we saw Jason, Kim, The Brothers Rosenthal, and many others. And Paul Tomblin, he of linebacker proportions, who not only appears capable of casting a shadow in space, but bears an uncanny resemblance to his favourite deceased Canadian folk singer, Stan Rogers!

General gossip ensued, and a pall fell over the gathering when Vicki mentioned that Great Leader Kibo was not the tall, muscular Adonis all of us envisioned. One thread of hope remained, as Vicki's description was apparently not derived from first-hand viewing of the form of G.L.K. Our illusions thus partially propped up, we attacked the buffet with gusto! Host and hostesses had prepared a magnificant feast of barbecued ribs, corn sur le cobbe, baked beans, cucumber & onion salad, and a supporting cast of many delightful comestibles.

Over dinner Vicki and Debbie mentioned that the toothbrush/camera UL had made it to Fort Collins, but not "Peanut Butter On The Private Parts". In discussing UL's in general, we agreed that a UL should be fun to tell, as well as moderately believeable. Tom Madden felt compelled to illustrate by inflicting the old "bricklayer/rope_&_pulley/pallet_o'_bricks" chestnut on the audience. While everyone acknowledged hearing the story before, all agreed they had never heard it told quite so loudly.

An embarrassing moment occured when Debbie Moss asked: "Just how much time _do_ you spend on this stuff each day?" Propriety forbids disclosing the results here, but only Vicki gave a straight answer. Ray and Tom, after much hemming and hawing (and with their spouses present), lied. (Well, maybe Ray didn't!)

The Depews made motions to leave, citing a wedding committment at Estes Park, CO, that evening. Any hopes of a leisurely leave-taking were dashed when the youngest Depew was found to have increased the AFU content of his diaper and, with no replacement garment on hand, Ray and his family bid a hasty farewell.

Shortly thereafter the festivities were interrupted when Vicki & Debbie's mom called, ostensibly to report her safe return from Paris, but more likely due to a motherly premonition that her daughters had fallen in with unsavory companions. (Moms are like that!)

The hour grew late, and the Maddens were preparing to leave when Vicki mentioned that she and Tom Moss had been unable to get the Moss computer to speak to its modem. Tom Madden foolishly asked "Did you check the port addresses and interrupts?" Mistaking Tom for someone who knew what he was talking about, and suffering from severe net.withdrawal, Vicki siezed Tom by the shoulder and thrust him in front of the keyboard. Alas, Madden proved to be a complete fraud as he was unable to get Windows 3.0 to disclose address and interrupt information, and found the resident DOS too ancient to respond to "MSD". Vicki's challenge of "five more minutes, then you're outta here!" was met with a weak "well, you could always upgrade to W3.1 and DOS 6.x", and an offer to yield the Madden computer to Vicki should she find herself in Boulder in the next few days. Partially mollified, Vicki allowed as how she understood the effects of performance anxiety on males, that it was OK, and that Tom might want to try again when he was more relaxed.

With a modicum of dignity and decorum thus restored, the Maddens made their exit with effusive and heartfelt thanks to Vicki, Debbie and Tom Moss for their gracious hospitality during a wonderful afternoon and evening.

Posting from Tom Madden's account, and apologizing for any bollixed-up names,

Your correspondent,

Robert Benchly