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From: splinter@panix.com (Tom Cikoski)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: AFU Inc Linked to Whitewater Stink
Date: 16 Feb 1996 10:06:45 -0500

AFU, Inc. LINKED TO WHITEWATER STINK

(Washington DC) The Senate Whitewater Investigation today turned up evidence of ties between Hillary Clinton, Vincent Foster, the Rose law firm, and AFU Inc., world's leading supplier of urban legends and associated products and services.

Senator Alfonse D'Amato (named after the WWII Japanese battleship) announced that 137 subpoenae had been issued to members of the firm's management and board of directors.

"We want to be fair to all parties concerned here," said the senator, "until we've finally found someone sleazier than me to be the number one scumbag under the belt ... uh, inside the Beltway."

A spokesperson for AFU, Inc., who wished not to be named Janelle Rimmer-Heinie, issued a statement later in the day.

"These spurious allegations are not only baseless and groundless, but also shameless," it said. "We not only categorically deny everything, we also claim diplomatic immunity and habeas corpus. This is the sort of Gestampo tactics people have come to expect >from a government of the testicles, by the testicles, and for
the testicles."

Insiders say that the links between AFU, Inc. and the Clintons somehow relate to the periodic overnight stays in the Little Rock area by a member of the firm's senior management.

"I was only passing through on my way to and from Phoenix," said this unnamed but rotund individual at a recent charity luncheon. "Only an asshole like Senator T'Amato would find something sinister in that. The only Clinton link I can think of is that one of our spokespersons has expressed a secret desire to bed Hillary. This bedding hasn't happened, to my knowledge."

There have been unsubstantiated rumours that the Whitewater real estate development and the opulent underground Manhattan headquarters complex of AFU, Inc., were financed from the same source. However, the official guide book of that AFU edifice states that "funding for this construction was provided by The AFU Credit Union, Carmine Sicilioni, Capo, with offices in Palermo, Marseille, Bogata, and East Harlem."

AFU, Inc., did not return our numerous, insistent calls.

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" -- Yeah, it's sinister all right. Fatso is left-handed.