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From: lberlind@gate.net (Len Berlind)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: "Deal Of The Century" Announced
Date: 27 Feb 1995 14:00:41 GMT

AFU GmbH, Baring Brothers & Co., Ink Pact

George Town, Grand Cayman, February 24

Financial pundits applauded the merger of two of the world's most respected financial institutions today. After months of bruising boardroom battles the Directors of AFU GmbH announced the signing today of an historic agreement which ties their corporation's fate directly to the fortunes of the oldest commercial bank in Great Britain.

"This means victory for the younger, better looking guys.", said Ms. Laurel DuPree, corporate spokesmodel. "The old fuddy-duddies just wouldn't listen but in the end they were outvoted."

Ewan Kirk, architect and chief proponent of AFU's bold new strategy could not be reached for comment. "He said to tell you he's having a quick Sherman. And then we're going to someplace named Barthelona, which I believe is in Europe. It's gonna be a working vacation and he's not planning to rest on his laurels."

A shadowy figure to the uninitiated, Kirk is well known to market insiders the world over. He was hailed as a "fair haired boy" in the "Go-Go Eighties" but his recent debacles in thylacine and sexium futures led some to question whether or not he had "lost it".

His latest financial campaign was for the highest stakes. "We intend to position AFU for the next millenium, whenever the damn thing starts.", Kirk often said. "A new generation is at the gates and we will not be denied. I mean the fucking Q of E banks there, that's good enough for me. We are going tear the face off every other newsgroup in the world in the universe in space. Pass the haggis before Wardley scarfs it all for fuck's sake. More beer."

An anonymous source within AFU's highest circles expressed chagrin at Kirk's antics. "Look, he's certainly lost all of his hair, and lately he hasn't been able to string more than three words together. He kept mumbling about 'Singapore' and 'Derivatives' and was making less and less sense. But Shirky, Tepper and O'Donnell wouldn't budge and van der London and Gustafson caved in...and wotthehell...we all made out like bandits anyway what with finder's fees and stock buybacks and golden parachutes and stuff. Say. We're not on the record here, are we?"

Share prices for both companies are expected to open substantially higher when trading resumes this Monday.