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From: splinter@panix.com (Tom Cikoski)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Bishop Sheesh's Annual Fund
Date: 29 Dec 1995 19:24:45 -0500

Bishop Sheesh's Annual Fund

As all AFU regulars know, December is the month in which Bishop Sheesh of The AFU Cathedral in NYC designates the official charity for the upcoming year. This year, Bishop Sheesh has selected Severe Self-Esteem Deficiency Syndrome (SSEDS) as the disability whose cure we must help to expedite with our generous donations.

It has been estimated that there are millions who suffer from the ravages of SSEDS. Most of them are men, but a few are women. There may be some hormonal or hereditary component. Bad parental care is very likely an enabling circumstance. The prominent symptoms are:

: Infantile sexuality - focused on the genitalia, often with

      a bizarre worshipful or mystic component. Excessive
      masturbation is common.

: Extreme sensitivity to criticism - the victim is unable

      even to tolerate the presence of an opposing viewpoint.
      Tantrums characterized by an almost pitiful megalomania
      are not unheard of.

: Hostility to others, especially of the opposite sex - Unable

      to relate to others on a mature basis, generally due to
      the high level of self-loathing, the patient will engage
      in puerile bullying or grandiose disparagement of those
      whom he or she sees as a threat (when in reality it is the
      *self* who is the object of this pointless invective).

: Other markedly childlike qualities such as short attention span, not leaving gaps between cites, and bed wetting.

Our Very Rev. Fr. Sheesh has recently returned from a tour of the Internet, and he reports that the incidence of SSEDS has grown dramatically in just this past year. Indeed, the bimodal distribution of cases, rising markedly in September, and just after Christmas, has become even more pronounced than in former years.

"We can't just ignore these poor saps, hoping they'll go away," said His Excellency. "Yes, they always do, Lord knows, because they have no staying power whatever. Shallow waters evaporate first. But we must think rather of saving their immortal souls for the after life, if there is one. If you encounter one of these unfortunates on the road, do please remember that we are all children of God, although most of us eventually grow up."

Fr. Sheesh blames some of this rise in SSEDS on NetScarp, noting "Most SSEDS cases exhibit strongly underdeveloped thinking and/or manual skills, thus keeping them off the Net until recently. Oh what, dear God, hath Gil Bates wrot?"

Look for your Cerise pledge card to arrive soon. Dig deep, and give early and often. SSEDS is a plague with us even unto death, unless we learn now to *care*.

( )_( )
\. ./
_=.=_
" -- Note: the SSEDS poster child of the year has already

been chosen, so don't bother with nominations.