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The AFU and Urban Legend Archive AFU AFU, Inc. afu travel policy
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The AFU and Urban Legend Archive AFU AFU, Inc. afu travel policy
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From: dennyzen@delphi.com
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: AFU Travel Policy Update
Date: Tue, 12 Jul 94 19:01:42 -0500
AFU Incorporated
1 AFU Place, 119th Floor
New York, NY 10000-0001
July 12, 1994
Office of the Erstwhile Vice-President
Dear Member of the AFU Team,
Yes, you're right. Any letter that you receive on Official AFU Inc. Stationery which addresses you as a "member of the team" or as a "member of the family" is one to read carefully. Often such letters drop a raisin in your left hand while lifting the sawbucks out of your wallet ("sawpounds" for you Brit AFUers).
But not this letter. This letter is to announce some minor revisions to the AFU
Corporate Travel and Entertainment Policy (Form 663-25-34221 Rev F). Please
read them, incorporate them into your travel routine, and make sure that your
next trip complies in every particular. Or else.
Travel Agent
In order to obtain the best rates around the world, all travel arrangements must
be made through our corporate travel agent, ZenRat Cruises, Inc, a subsidiary of
ZenRat Air Lines, a subsidiary of ZenRat Holdings. The management of ZenRat
Cruises has pledged that you and your baggage will arrive in the same city on
the same day over sixty-five percent of the time. Furthermore, ZenRat has made
arrangements with some 1500 municipal shelters worldwide so that never again
will you be stuck without a place to "lay down your sweet head" in case of a
cancelled flight. The importance of this will be clear to you when you read
the next paragraph.
Air Lines
Once again, ZenRat Air Lines has been selected as the Official Air Line of AFU Inc. Not only do thay have the lowest fares, the most leg room in coach, (when seats are installed) and the most blue-streaked tail sections in the industry, but this year, 1994, ZenRat has pledged to close the gap between the number of departures and the number of arrivals to within an order of magnitude (British measure). And, as a member of the AFU team, you will automatically qualify on each flight to be the person who might get to drink the Coke, if there is one.
As always, FIRST CLASS AIR TRAVEL IS NOT PERMITTED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES for any AFU employee who has not yet joined "the in crowd." For that matter, Business Class, Coach Class, Business Coach Class, and Main Cabin Seating are also prohibited. That pretty much leaves the baggage area, the overhead compartments, and the wheel wells as acceptable seating reservations.
Oh, and don't forget that ZenRat Air's "Frequent Landings" incentive club
is the best of its kind in the world. For each landing that you survive,
you'll be permitted to participate in another landing attempt somewhere else
in the world during the next six months, absolutely free!
Motels
This year, ZenRat Cruises has extended our overnight rate policy to cover several well-known chains, and also a number of hotels as well. The hotels are:
"Motel 3" - Half the price of its next leading competitor. It's motto is
"We left the light on for ya, but it got shot out."
"Embarassment Suites" - A free, full-color photo of you in bed with your
companion of the evening is sent to you after each stay.
You then have ten hours before your significant other gets
a free copy of that very same photo!
"The Ritz Crackerton" - Ah, that decor, that service, that smell!
"The Plaza" - Not so much a hotel as an experience. The Plaza is ... well,
it's that big flat open space outside our headquarters. Bring
your own cardboard box.
Meals? What meals? We don't have to buy you no steekin' meals!
Please direct any questions you may have.
Sincerely,
t "erstwhile vice, president" c
--
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