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From: andreww@bnr.ca (Andrew Welsh)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: The AFU, Inc. In-Home Tutor (long)
Date: 20 Mar 1996 11:24:57 GMT

AFU Ltd, The Cupboard, 221a Baker Street, London, W1 Directors: Andrew Welsh - Marketing and Liason

           Andrew Wardley - Armaments (Winky War Export division)
           Ewan Kirk - Brewing and Distilling

March 20th 1996 - For Immediate Release

AFU Ltd Announces New Advertising Blitz

AFU Ltd is proud to announce that following a new marketing campaign by its North American partner, AFU Inc (a wholly owned subsidiary of AFU GmBH), it will be launching a new advertising strategy in the UKoGBaNI and all associated territories (previously referred to by AFU Ltd as "the Empire").

For the UKoGBaNI there will be an advert featuring "raves", "dance music" (an exclusive licensing of "Firestarter" by The Prodigy, as the shouty vocals have been proven to scare parents) and a plot based upon AFU's bestselling Blue Star LSD line.

The Falkland Islands and other South Atlantic territories will be privileged to receive their own campaign based around hundreds, if not thousands, of cute penguins falling on their backs, whilst cheeky pilot Paul Tomblin flies overhead (Mr Tomblin appears courtesy of Roc and Ott Mergers, whose majority shareholder is AFU GmBH).

Hong Kong and South Pacific Territories will be ritually humiliated by a range of adverts based around foods that they are alleged to eat. This will then be used in the launch of the AFU joint venture in China, based in Beijing (Telephone Beijing 0-1-AF-U4U2 [01-23-8482]). Note that in June 1997 Hong Kong will cease to be the responsibility of AFU Ltd.

Other parts of "the Empire" will be expected to take whatever they're given from the UKoGBaNI and like it, as is normal corporate policy.

Note that a drinks reception will be arranged for the initial showings of these advertisements, as soon as our PPOTY gets round to it.