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 afu health plan




From: rwald@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu (R. Wald)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: The AFU Plan
Date: 23 Nov 1996 07:11:33 GMT

I just got a letter from my university saying they've switched us all over to a new HMO and we're now all on the AFU Health Plan. This was good news for me, since I'm about to have hip replacement surgery next month. With my new plan, I had to choose between a donor hip (which you can apparently get a pretty steady supply from some woman-run company in Las Vegas; I'm not sure how they always manage to have one of your type, though) and an ordinary metal one. I chose the metal one because I got a great deal. I saw it advertised in the paper; this woman was advertising a like-new artificial hip for only $100. I went to check it out and it was in mint condition - she said her husband split on her and asked her to sell his artificial hip and send him the money. My gain, I guess.

The HMO people from AFU gave me a tour of the hospital. I got to see the recovery room where I'll wake up after surgery; it was kind of neat to see the rows and rows of bathtubs of ice. I talked to the anaesthesiologist about how I'll be put to sleep - two Rophynol in a glass of wine - and what I'll use for pain afterwards. He said that aspirin and coke really knock you out...sounds better than the other option, which was injecting drugs into my eyeball. He said if I was a man there'd be a third option, but didn't go into detail.

I was most excited when I talked to the financial office. The surgery, which I had originally thought would cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars, is not going to be nearly that bad. I mean, my premiums are only going to be two-fifty.

So, here's why I'm posting this to the group: Before my old hip dies (sniff!) I would like to be able to have it memorialized in the Guinness Book of World Records. The way I plan to do this is by receiving the most get well cards ever addressed to an individual body part. Could you please send cards, and (this is important) with the little pull tab from a can of soda attached? I will be able to trade the tabs for time hooked up to various medical-type machines. You can imagine that I hardly want to run out of tabs while still needing oxygen! (And for that reason, please don't send flowers. They'll completely destroy the work of the machine when they suck up O2 at night).

Thanks for all your good wishes, and remember to address those cards to the RIGHT hip,

Rebecca "I wish I were joking about the surgery part" Wald


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